The Last Suffer

Hello. Today is tiring, tomorrow is Wednesday. Before we begin or trying anything weird, I have something weird to tell you people what I felt about this earth. When I was putting on an act, carrying my bag on my back, I tripped on my trip to the male's changin room. It was a shocking moment, but I noticed a small giggle coming out from the puny little lips of a tiny little girl who happened to be my coworker. She has the same name as me, and we share a common interest not. I love fish, and she seems not detached from the idea of fish either. She was strict, but small, so I could not be afraid nor stumbled before her, except her cuteness. She ordered me like a superior, which was technically false at all, yet since her work experience was a year ahead of mine, maybe it was fairly legitimate to say so. I always did ignore. She wanted me to wash the dirty counter towel, I started refilling the green tea jar. She asked me to wipe the surface of the customers bag baskets, I stacked up the wasabi jars on customers' counter. Basically, anything she asked me to do while putting a lachrymose front, like that of a sad kitten begging for food, I either turned away or reacted in an incoherrent manner.
Why was I being such an asshole, I wonder. No reason at all, it seems. She was cute is one, but my nature of not being lectured is another important aspect leading me to lead the lead. When I was her age, I was -1.47 month (negative 1 month and 14 days). Meaning, she was older than me by a month and half roughly. Well, I don't know. In her Line account home page, her cover photo is a picture of her with a boy in a cropped square on the corner of the frame, assuming she used to use the picture as her profile display picture, also assuming that that was her boyfriend. Why else would a girl post a picture together with a boy as her main picture if not for the sacred relationship. A brother would not have made it to a sister's selfie. All of my life I had been so blur and blind of whatever I was not knowing what I was doing. Anytime, anywhere I fell in attraction towards a human female not through merely her physical features, there were these other male heroes worth mentioning in romantic dramas and lachrymose love stories who emerged to be the partners of the candies engraved in my artistic retinas. I never, chance never gave me a chance at all for romantic pursuits. Then I was, again, left alone. I was left stranded thinking of what went wrong or what I could have done more when I had the chance to see her. Little did I know I was lacking the ability to interest an opposite sex through the means of communication, and even when I did own it and poured it into action with eloquence, well, "sorry I have a person I like." had been the directly undirect replies.
I wished I was born with a dedicated beautiful young cute kind caring understanding smart responsible slim white cheerful sociable dilligent obedient wise small girlfriend to get married to. Then my life would be free from the real freedom.
If you have a girl you like, never give up! I am though, because the life of me chasing another human woman, does not worth the time nor effort. I prefer to be my free self unless I can choose not to be free if I am with her.

Steven