Nurturing Sparks: A Journey Beyond Expectations and Into the Hearts of Students

 **Journal Entry: January 15, 2024**

Swimaway, 2024 Krita

    Today's reflections, like scattered puzzle pieces, bring together moments of civic duty, unexpected expressions of affection, and the perpetual tug-of-war between societal expectations and personal happiness.

Taiwan's 2024 Election. Winner Senor Lai Ching-te

    The buzz of Taiwan's presidential election on January 13th found me in an unexpected role—I worked as a poll counter for CTS, a Taiwanese news company. A day of civic duty, tallying votes, and navigating the democratic process, rewarded with a modest payment of NT$1000.

    Last Friday marked the closure of this semester's Sishu 503 class. A bittersweet farewell, punctuated by heartfelt cards from the girls. A particular note from Hannah, shyly confessing "I love you," caught me off guard. Touched, happy, yet strangely conflicted, I pondered the dynamics of a teacher-student relationship that blurred into familial affection. Perhaps, in my attempt to be a big brother, I stumbled into roles that transcend the conventional boundaries of education.

    Amidst these reflections, a call from Kenny introduced a discordant note. His advice echoed conventional wisdom, urging me to reconsider the priorities I'd set for my well-being over long-term plans. Yet, in the symphony of life, I've chosen short-term enjoyments, steering away from the prescribed path of internships and bureaucratic orders.

    In my rebellion against the relentless pursuit of graduation, I grapple with the weight of familial expectations. The collective chorus, urging me towards secure jobs and a Bachelor's diploma, echoes with a tone that I find dissonant. The crux lies in my disdain for working under others, a sentiment that led me to abandon the internship program, setting my course towards unconventional pursuits.

    The dichotomy between societal norms and personal fulfillment intensifies. The price for choosing the uncharted path? A missing Bachelor's diploma. Yet, the experiences gained, the joy derived from teaching, and the genuine connections with students like Hannah and colleagues like Ms. Eva stand as testament to the richness found in deviation.

    As the world nudges me towards the pragmatic pursuit of a diploma, my struggle unveils the need for a loophole—a bridge that allows me to secure a living permit without sacrificing the joys of teaching. The alternative, a return to Indonesia's low-wage monotony, feels akin to a slow descent into stagnation.

    The pages of this journal reflect not just a personal journey but a battle against the currents of societal expectations. In the dance between convention and individuality, I find myself torn but resolute, seeking a balance that preserves my sanity and allows me to continue nurturing the sparks of inspiration ignited by the innocence of my students.

    Here's to navigating the labyrinth of choices,

Steven